Tag Archives: mental health

Digging Deep

If you read my last post, you know how much I have been struggling with writing lately and keeping up with consistent posts. Well, I’ve concluded that having a writer’s block shouldn’t limit me in terms of my blog writing. When it comes to my short stories and future books, absolutely. I always intended this blog to be a fun place to discuss books, life, and mental well being.

When I quit school back in March, I didn’t really have a full vision of my future prospects. I knew I wanted to write, and I was tired of taking orders from other people. There was once a time when I aspired to save the world and become an environmental scientist. I also wanted to be a veterinary technician, graphic designer, paralegal, electrical engineer, and the list goes on. To be fair, I spent a decent amount of time in each of those programs. Eventually, I got bored and moved onto the next failed plan.

None of these failures was anything I would come to regret because, in time, we eventually learn from the mistakes we make and continue to grow (well, most people). With each venture failed, I learned that it wasn’t what I wanted at the time. One of my most significant issues is finding something I love and sticking with it. I love writing with my whole heart, but it doesn’t make a lot of money, at least not so far it hasn’t.

Of course, making money from my writing is a goal of mine. Still, I have to be practical. Enough to realize that I’m going to end up working another soul-sucking job until I actually start earning a decent amount. Who knows, maybe I’ll hit a writer jackpot soon and won’t have to worry, but that’s just wishful thinking. I hope no one is taking what I’m saying is don’t go after your dreams because it absolutely is not. It’s more like go after your dreams but also have a few back-up plans because things have not worked out the way you hoped it would.

One of my many life mottos is being a jack of all trades and master of none because I love to learn and understand many things rather than be a “master” at just one. If you’re anything like I am, you know the struggle of sticking to one thing, and that’s okay. Keep on dreaming, friends, and don’t give up on yourself.

Until next time

Also, go buy my book if that’s what you’re in to. It’s now available in paperback and Kindle versions!

A month of doubts and drafts

July 17th, 8:28 p.m present day

Here I am over a month later, and my writing blocks have been worse than I can ever remember. The posts you see below are what happens when I go through these times. A little insight into how I’ve been feeling and what neglecting your mental health does for you. I will be posting more frequently, but I won’t make a promise I cannot keep.

July 7th, 8:04 p.m

Ever since my creative burnout post, I haven’t been able to write a damn thing. I have 11 partial drafts of posts that I kept saying fuck it, I am not in the mood, and it doesn’t sound right. I feel like I’ve been living in a fever dream as of late. I cannot adequately express how weird my mental state has been. I’ll tell you what, it hasn’t been great, that’s for damn sure. I’ve recently thrown myself back into the world of gaming, and it has sucked everything out of me. I love it so much, and it is incredibly fun. However, it’s just another form of escapism. I currently cannot stand being alone with my thoughts for more than 5 minutes without wanting to scream. All of my old standby methods have failed me. 

Also, I stopped writing this post for 5 hours because my brain could not focus enough to type. Currently, there is another severe outbreak of COVID in Florida, and no one takes it seriously here. It’s like some twisted joke, and the whole world laughs at “our” stupidity. Quite frankly, I don’t like it. My intention with this blog has always been putting out quality content and focusing on new ideas.

June 25th 6:44 p/m

It appears I have been avoiding all of my problems and just shoving them down deeper. My avoidant behavior is nothing new to me. Still, for others, they are completely thrown off by it and take extreme offense. Sometimes I just don’t respond to people for weeks or sometimes months. By nature, I am a homebody that likes to occasionally go out and explore the world, but on my own terms. I personally don’t like making plans ahead of time because deep down, I know I will eventually hurt someone’s feelings. 

I never thought that at 29, I would be starting over and trying to do everything on my own. I always feel like a failure, and writing has been one of the hardest challenges I have faced so far. This industry is cutthroat and has no mercy. If there is a formula for becoming a successful writer, please let me know. I have resorted to exploring other avenues in terms of work because I need to make money, and it’s not easy. For what it’s worth, I don’t regret anything and these past 5 months. It has been one hell of a ride. I’ve connected with some of the most incredible humans I have never met before. And being welcomed into a community where I don’t have to pretend to be someone else is fantastic.

Not all of my time has been completely wasted, I do actually accomplish a fair amount of writing. I have been working on short stories more, which is something I never used to do, it’s usually always been poetry or blog-style writing. Maneuvering my way through the technicalities of short story writing hasn’t been too bad, but I will say it’s been more of a learning curve. Every adventure has it’s

June 21st, 4:13 p.m

I have been doubting every decision I have made in the past 3 months and wondering if it will be worth it. I failed to realize that my thoughts and lack of self-love have gotten in the way of watching my dreams come to fruition. By nature, I am a self-sabotaging idiot that gets scared when everything starts going a little too well. I am optimistic by nature, but I don’t nurture it

Creative Burnout

What’s that? Ah yes, the last few ounces of creativity seeping out of these fingertips. As of late, it has been extremely difficult to get anything done. I haven’t written anything in over a week, and that certainly doesn’t feel good or normal in the least bit. Over the years, I’ve grown accustomed to the affliction known as creator burnout, writer’s block, and you get the point. When you’re creating something from nothing, it does not always happen how you envision it.

It’s no surprise that I have been struggling as of late. Deep down at my core, I am an extremely empathetic person, and I don’t handle the sudden onslaught of being overstimulated. There is so much going on in the world right now, even just in my daily life, and it becomes so overwhelming I frequently find myself retreating deep inwards, and it gets dark. Clearly, I forgot matches or a flashlight. My usual methods of pulling myself out of this mindset have been thrown out the window. (The metaphorical kind, not real windows. I wouldn’t be typing right now if I actually threw shit out of an actual window.) I digress, somewhere in my brain that little switch did not go off this time, giving me some sort of warning of what lies ahead.

I have primarily been living like a fucking automaton. My hands are working off of muscle memory right now. Sometimes I feel like crying, and the next moment I’m completely fine. The jokes always on me because this is the same old self-destructive behavior I have displayed in the past. Truthfully I thought I left those issues somewhere on the side of the road a long time ago. Pulling yourself out the same dark place over and over again is so frustrating and tiring. I always assumed one day my brain would just be like, “Okay, cool, we’re done with all of that now,” and obviously it does not work that way, can confirm. For some reason, I chose to ignore every warning sign my brain has ever given me these past few weeks.

So I ask myself, what am I hiding from? Who do I not want to confront right now? Usually, it’s my own issues. Also, I am just now realizing that this whole post is mostly about my current mental state and not “tips on how to handle creator burnout,” but in my not-so-humble opinion, the two go hand in hand. I guess I just always feel like I need people to know that it’s okay not to be okay, you know? Not every day is going to be a good one, but I’m trying my best to figure out how to make every day at least a decent one instead of an outright shitty day. It’s all about shifting perspective and focus from one invasive thought to something less intrusive. I like to remind myself that I chose this new path in life, and not everything is going to be alright all of the time.

Accepting that fact will make my life much easier and probably a little less chaotic.

Until next time