Tag Archives: joy

Then and now

There used to be a time in my life where I was prolific in blogging, it consumed my whole world. I didn’t have any particular reason for blogging. Still, it was the early 2000’s, and at some point, I’m pretty sure I had 3 or 4 different blogs going at any one point in time. That was then, and this is now. So what makes this different? Not quite sure yet, but I can definitively say that I am enjoying every moment of it.

In the middle of March of this year, I had to make some big life decisions about my continued education and “what I wanted to do with my life.” In retrospect, I don’t think I could have made a better decision. This was about a week before we went into official quarantine, and making tough decisions during a global pandemic seems futile. However, I don’t think I can remember a time when I have been this comfortable and at ease with who I am.

By nature, I am an incredibly anxious person, always worrying about the “what ifs” of life instead of focusing on the present moment. Once I stopped worrying so damn much about what could or would have been, I started becoming more me than I have ever felt in years. There has undoubtedly been a shift in consciousness for me. One of the most important choices I made was not continuing my higher education. Instead, I decided to live life on my own terms instead of at the mercy of a broken education system that could literally care less. Nothing broke my heart more than dropping out of my environmental sustainability program because I wanted to save the world in my head. How cliche of me.

In the months that followed, it has been nothing but a discovery of self and soul. I tapered off of an incredibly dangerous antidepressant that wasn’t doing shit for me (Zoloft, that’s a story for another day). I have connected with some of the most beautiful, kind, and loving human beings through a shared love of a twitch stream. This turned into joining a discord server, and next thing I know, I am joining late-night house parties (the app). I began learning about the lives of others, their pain, struggles, and victories. It has been a beautiful journey letting others in, opening myself up, and being the most vulnerable and genuine version of myself again. It has been a strange and chaotic road that has led me to where I am now.

So, where am I now? Currently amid a wondrous new beginning, the next chapter of my life, and for the first time, I’m writing new chapters, not someone else.

Until next time