Tag Archives: hope

Where have I been?

My last post was in August, and it has been a wild ride. Buckle up. It’s story time. I decided I wanted to start streaming on twitch, and it really just started out as a complete joke, and then I actually got affiliated and started making money. I’ve honestly been having so much fun with it trying to grow my community of absolutely incredible people. I’m certainly not saying it has been easy by any stretch of the imagination; however, the experiences and memories I’ve made are worth all of the hard work and effort I put into it every day.

For the better half of my life, I have struggled with my appearance and the way I portray myself to others, and actually using a camera to talk to people and connect has made it immensely better for me. It can sometimes be draining, and I frequently push myself a little too hard when I know I should be taking a break, but it’s worth it.

I also had some hilarious flirtationships that turned into friendships. I fell madly deeply truly for someone that wasn’t ready for commitment. It still hurts, and I still think of him often, but such is life, and if someday the universe wills it to be, then so be it. There was that bright side of me that wanted it to work, and for so long, I distanced myself from everyone that came along. I’m not really sure why I let him in. The vulnerability that raw energy just came blazing out of me. I felt alive again but only briefly.

Yes, I know certain people come into your life at the right time, and they’re often a lesson in disguise. I think my walls were built so iron-clad for so many years I needed someone to break them down again to truly see I can love and be loved in return. I’m not saying that I ever told this person I loved them because, frankly, that is just terrifying and would have scared him away more. Still, at the end of the day, I can close my eyes knowing that I took that chance, and yes, it didn’t turn out the way I had hoped, but not everything in life will. That’s just unrealistic. I still talk to him every now and then, but politely and from a safe distance, it’s better off this way.

There have been many beautiful, painful, and absolutely hilarious moments that frequently end in me wheeze laughing or snort laughing until I can’t breathe. It’s the fantastic people I have had the pleasure of getting to know that bring my heart joy and sometimes pain, anger, and frustration, but all of those things are worth valuable genuine friendships. I’m looking forward to creating more content on twitch and all of my other social media platforms. I personally feel like I’ve found that little something I had been missing.

I will end on this note, life throws so much shit at us every day when you find something you enjoy appreciate it because it is often short-lived. We are all living on borrowed time, so make the most of every moment.


Until next time

Available in kindle today! (psst I’m working on part 2 right now I can’t wait!)

Digging Deep

If you read my last post, you know how much I have been struggling with writing lately and keeping up with consistent posts. Well, I’ve concluded that having a writer’s block shouldn’t limit me in terms of my blog writing. When it comes to my short stories and future books, absolutely. I always intended this blog to be a fun place to discuss books, life, and mental well being.

When I quit school back in March, I didn’t really have a full vision of my future prospects. I knew I wanted to write, and I was tired of taking orders from other people. There was once a time when I aspired to save the world and become an environmental scientist. I also wanted to be a veterinary technician, graphic designer, paralegal, electrical engineer, and the list goes on. To be fair, I spent a decent amount of time in each of those programs. Eventually, I got bored and moved onto the next failed plan.

None of these failures was anything I would come to regret because, in time, we eventually learn from the mistakes we make and continue to grow (well, most people). With each venture failed, I learned that it wasn’t what I wanted at the time. One of my most significant issues is finding something I love and sticking with it. I love writing with my whole heart, but it doesn’t make a lot of money, at least not so far it hasn’t.

Of course, making money from my writing is a goal of mine. Still, I have to be practical. Enough to realize that I’m going to end up working another soul-sucking job until I actually start earning a decent amount. Who knows, maybe I’ll hit a writer jackpot soon and won’t have to worry, but that’s just wishful thinking. I hope no one is taking what I’m saying is don’t go after your dreams because it absolutely is not. It’s more like go after your dreams but also have a few back-up plans because things have not worked out the way you hoped it would.

One of my many life mottos is being a jack of all trades and master of none because I love to learn and understand many things rather than be a “master” at just one. If you’re anything like I am, you know the struggle of sticking to one thing, and that’s okay. Keep on dreaming, friends, and don’t give up on yourself.

Until next time

Also, go buy my book if that’s what you’re in to. It’s now available in paperback and Kindle versions!