Tag Archives: growth

Where have I been?

My last post was in August, and it has been a wild ride. Buckle up. It’s story time. I decided I wanted to start streaming on twitch, and it really just started out as a complete joke, and then I actually got affiliated and started making money. I’ve honestly been having so much fun with it trying to grow my community of absolutely incredible people. I’m certainly not saying it has been easy by any stretch of the imagination; however, the experiences and memories I’ve made are worth all of the hard work and effort I put into it every day.

For the better half of my life, I have struggled with my appearance and the way I portray myself to others, and actually using a camera to talk to people and connect has made it immensely better for me. It can sometimes be draining, and I frequently push myself a little too hard when I know I should be taking a break, but it’s worth it.

I also had some hilarious flirtationships that turned into friendships. I fell madly deeply truly for someone that wasn’t ready for commitment. It still hurts, and I still think of him often, but such is life, and if someday the universe wills it to be, then so be it. There was that bright side of me that wanted it to work, and for so long, I distanced myself from everyone that came along. I’m not really sure why I let him in. The vulnerability that raw energy just came blazing out of me. I felt alive again but only briefly.

Yes, I know certain people come into your life at the right time, and they’re often a lesson in disguise. I think my walls were built so iron-clad for so many years I needed someone to break them down again to truly see I can love and be loved in return. I’m not saying that I ever told this person I loved them because, frankly, that is just terrifying and would have scared him away more. Still, at the end of the day, I can close my eyes knowing that I took that chance, and yes, it didn’t turn out the way I had hoped, but not everything in life will. That’s just unrealistic. I still talk to him every now and then, but politely and from a safe distance, it’s better off this way.

There have been many beautiful, painful, and absolutely hilarious moments that frequently end in me wheeze laughing or snort laughing until I can’t breathe. It’s the fantastic people I have had the pleasure of getting to know that bring my heart joy and sometimes pain, anger, and frustration, but all of those things are worth valuable genuine friendships. I’m looking forward to creating more content on twitch and all of my other social media platforms. I personally feel like I’ve found that little something I had been missing.

I will end on this note, life throws so much shit at us every day when you find something you enjoy appreciate it because it is often short-lived. We are all living on borrowed time, so make the most of every moment.


Until next time

Available in kindle today! (psst I’m working on part 2 right now I can’t wait!)